Be more than you have

There is not enough time in the world to see it all. It makes it both frustrating and fascinating. As hard as you try to be efficient, you will never have enough time to see it all.

Take this place for example. It is insignificant on our planet scale; but if my feet could speak, they would probably use all kinds of  hyperbole about how spacious this is.

I feel like I am running out of time, and words too. I do not know how to keep it interesting anymore: I am tiny and everything around me makes me feel both relaxed and anxious. Relaxed for how peaceful it is from the moment I open my eyes to the kind forest surrounding the house, and for how peaceful it remains up on the roads, in the forest, by the river, next to the falls, at the feet of the cliff… everywhere really. Anxious too, as I sometimes feel like a parasite in this beautiful and messy wild.

I woke up squirrels who followed my steps carefully, scared that I would come too close. I almost stepped on a red frog and I am not sure if she accepted my apologies – she looked pretty mad. I disturbed a Blue Jay – but maybe was he stealing some eggs from another nest so I am not sure yet if I am sorry about this one. I kept on tripping on unstable rocks, roots and even mud. Looking up, after some light or noise and it is like the ground would grab my leg trying to make me fall. Looking down my feet and tiny branches will find their way through my hair. The forest today was enchanted, and did not seem to be pleased about my visit. It was pretty, as always, but for the first time I was not at ease. I was anxious. Trees were keeping the sunlight from me, frogs were singing an hymn that made me nervous, birds were shouting at each other just as if they were following my moves.

But see, I could have experienced this totally differently.

I was walking on juicy green mossy grounds, protected by two rows of high trees, hoping from a rock to another to pass the many streams and dawning waterfalls when I was stopped. Here, a feet away from my foot, a stressed out red frog. I almost stepped on her, so I bow down and apologize. If I hadn’t find my charming prince already (with the white pony and all!) , I’d give it a kiss. This place is a perfect playground, and today’s game seems to be hide and seek: sun versus trees, squirrels versus squirrels – once spotted, they freeze and give you that look  »please don’t tell the others you found me! »; and that majestic bird given away by its own bright blue fathering. And the background is better than any Spotify playlist:  birds and frogs singing in harmony their welcome song to Spring which finally made it to their valley.

It’s a matter of perspective. You can see the worst or the best out of the same situation. Today, I was in a whining mood, having a hard time seeing beauty. I was missing home, my species – and the pony. I was seeking for some human warmth, loud jokes and sparkling wine. I did not see the beauty of my surrounding and I felt a bit guilty about it. But see, I think it is ok to miss home, and at the end of the day I am happy to be able to call a place Home. Despite my love and excitement for travels and discoveries, I figured I am enjoying this also because it reminds me of something, someone, back home. It is bringing me closer to the things I love. And I feel like I am a part of something bigger, that does not know borders either time difference.

I might be tiny in here, and I will never have enough time either physical strength to walk all those roads, climb all those peaks, feel all the ice cold water, talk to all the sneaky squirrels. But I am ok with being tiny, for I belong to this huge mess. There is no game of power, there is nothing to win really. It is only about being a part of this beauty, seeing it and getting the chance to make your own path, your own way.

There is nothing to win, really. It does not get any better than being able to see things with a judgement-free eye, and to let the world be without even trying to control any of it. There is no point in being efficient – climbing more, seeing more, walking more, making more (picture, memories or money) but it is hard for me to surrender. I have been in a mold for long, where productivity was the only queen. But what if we can do otherwise? What if we are losing touch with our inner selves, by always giving priority to someone’s else needs, desires, ambitions… Why is it that we think negatively of people who put their own needs on the first line? When are we going to stop feeling guilty when we do?

We already are a part of something, it’s called nature. It’s our planet, it’s carrying us and caring for us. Yet, we forgot and we put our minds into secondary needs, that we created. We cut off with our primary desires and we feel guilty or ashamed when they resurface and eventually take over. We are lead by groups of people whose interest is to keep us into the circle of secondary needs, where we will be encouraged to work to supply our created needs with the money we  »make ». If you do not think about any of it, it is all fine. What it is not is sustainable, fair, rewarding; but well, it works for now. If you start thinking about it, claiming your conscious and your place in the bigger picture, you might lose faith in our build-up so called humanity; but you might as well reconnect with what’s real. As much as our society has a need for organisation, there is no need for possession either domination. Before you do anything, you should be. So be, more that you have – ever been.

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