Yesterday, as I was leaving the island and staring at her getting smaller and smaller, the feeling came back again. When my throat is choking on my heart, aching and taking all the space is my chest, stealing my breath away.
I thought it was exploding. But now I know what was happening. It was expanding, again. For it has been fed and filled with the best of delicacies. Mayfly moments with authentic people, blowing wind in the wings I now fearlessly spread. And as we sail away, I surprisingly feel happy.
This place, like all the others I lived by to eventually leave behind, is nothing but a piece of land. All ends of the world begin to seem so close to each other once you start connecting them. Pieces of everything. Pieces, not to collect but to connect. Pieces of one wonderful whole world. Nothing is mine, but I was at home and ease everywhere. Nothing is mine and I left in all places more than I took, as it should be.
If I am completely sincere, the all idea of the trip was to get away. At the end of these days, I got a way. Miles and smiles, truths and dares, fears and hopes… From away to my way, I have been browsing and formatting to finally reconnecting all my dots.
My travels have washed over my entire being: across seas and wonder lands I rolled on grass, snow, in sand and sea; I walked in shoes, mud and even by accident on the edge of a coral; I stood in the rain, in the sun, in the wrong train and with my doubts sometimes; I slept in buses, trains, bungalows, on beaches; long chairs and boats – once on a yoga mats too; I conquered volcanos, mountains, rocks, jungles and most of my fears… And at the end of each day, I smiled at myself in the mirror. Out of pride, gratitude and happiness.
It is impossible for me to pick the best part of the trip. The best part is now, it always was now. Think about it, and see : all the chances to take, the magic to make, the hands to shake, the limits to break, the love to awake, (the pancake) …there is so much more to life than hate and ache. The best part is what I will make out of each day I will open my eyes to. The best part is all the people I can keep on sharing my love and life with. The best part is now, perfectly in balance between precious memories and a future to make up. A constant work in progress, with waves to catch and ride; a continuous process getting through letting out and in; a never ending journey that I intend to continue regardless of the shoes I am wearing. Especially now that I tried bare feet hiking.
It is now, ever and always.
I am flying tomorrow to Switzerland, and cannot wait for my brother to pick me up from the airport. First time travelling alone, first time being picked up at the airport. Also (very) excited to eat cheese. Family VS cheese: the impossible ranking.
I painted my toenails red, marking the end of my outflow and claiming back my femininity. Over the past months, I never ran out of style (…), but I did extend my hygienic boundaries – I must admit it feels good to reconnect with habits such as foot scrub and laundry. I am not going to quit eating everything with my hands tho, it simply taste better. Not too sure about raclette… to be continued.